My dad blew up at last night. Nothing new there. I just bottle those feelings up in my head. As if it matters any ways. It would not matter if I engaged in the issue with him or not any ways because I know it is the dementia and not him. But it was a little before 9 pm and he was yelling me to shut up because everybody was in bed. Having to deal with this is so draining. Ugh!!
I feel like all of a sudden I’m caring the weight of the world on my shoulders and what scares me the most is if any of my pillars (a.k.a. mom or dad’s ability to drive, a car breaking down, a loss of finances, etc.) crumbles my world will fall apart because I feel like have nobody to ask for help now.
I have always relied on my mom, now I don’t think I can. Lately, it seems more and more now, mama’s mind has been slipping. I’m not sure if is stress causing it. But she blames me for all of it, things she misplaced or forgot to do. Then she jumps all over my case for it.
I’m scared what will become of me. They have kept me so sheltered that if anything was to ever happen to them (like now) I have no way to take care of my own needs. Nothing is set up for me.
I’m scared that if this was to happen
I would be left with no ability and no resources to take care of my life.